


Uchiha Undercover

by earlywritings (welcometolotr)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Jokes, Codenames, Friendship, Happy Ending, Humor, Light Romance, M/M, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/welcometolotr/pseuds/earlywritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hokage has given ANBU Captain Naruto Uzumaki a mission: contact an undercover agent and bring back his inside information. The only problem? She never told him that his contact had infiltrated the most powerful criminal organization in history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Assignment

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published back in '09/'10, but popular enough that I'll put it up here.

"Naruto," he was told, "I have a new mission for you."

He asked what rank it was, in typical 'I want to get stronger' Naruto fashion, and was surprised by his lady Hokage's answer.

"It's not ranked, brat. The task I need you to accomplish is classified E:C-R/C according to ANBU regulations - in other words, it's a permanent mission. You're stuck with it until the objective is completed, but seeing as we don't know when exactly that is…"

The moment he heard the listed letters he paused and opened up his mental ANBU Classifications file, sifting through various letters and numbers until he had found the code she had given him.

_Espionage: Contact - Repetitive/Confidential._

Translation: A Konoha operative has infiltrated an enemy group and Naruto was his contact - that is to say, the spy passed on all information to the village through the blonde.

Missions of this nature were risky - even more so than usual if it was unranked. That fact alone implied the mission difficulty was above S-rank and only senior ANBU could fulfill it, no exceptions.  
It also brought to mind a delicate question that he promptly voiced.

"How long has the ninja been on assignment?"

This was a crucial query; it represented the chance of his death.  
A contact operative was never unassigned from a mission - or 'fired', as civilians liked to put it - for doing a poor job or suffering an injury; the assignment was permanent until the disguised shinobi was successfully pulled out after mission completion. It was absolutely unheard of to not complete an espionage assignment, so Tsunade-baachan was insinuating that he'd be stuck with it until the end…or until he died in the line of duty. If this particular ANBU had been on assignment for any good length of time, Naruto needed to know if he was suspected of anything within his particular affiliation and exactly how many contact operatives from his end had been lost over the course of the mission. Hopefully it wasn't too many - less than two was optimal.

Tsunade was silent for a long while before she summoned up the courage to answer his question bluntly.

"This particular ninja has been on assignment for near eleven years, Naruto." He flinched in shock as she went on. "He has infiltrated the highest rungs of his association and is passing off caught contacts as hunter-nins from Konoha."

The jinchuuriki shivered. _Eleven years?_

"And…how many contacts have been caught?" No small amount of trepidation was visible in his voice.

Tsunade's silence did not bode well. Not well at all. his nerves were fried beyond belief and he hadn't even begun the mission.

_No wonder it was unranked._

"Come on, Tsunade-baabaa! How many?"

She took a breath and delivered the statistics emotionlessly. "Naruto, every contact we have sent over the years has been high ANBU. Every single one has been killed without fail." Pausing, she sighed and looked her surrogate grandson straight in the eye. "All twenty-six of them."

Naruto gasped audibly. Twenty-six over eleven years? That was an operative lost every six months.

_This had better be one hell of an important mission._

Steadying himself with a hand on the chair next to him, he slipped into Professional Naruto mode. "I'll need to know the operative's identifying features and the organization or village that he serves."

He was smart enough not to ask the name.  
 _ANBU Rule Number Four: Remain nameless and emotionless to the best of your ability.  
How he hated that. But as the captain of one of Espionage's best, he was required to follow the rules to the end._

_Whoever it is, he must be pretty old if this is such a dangerous mission - they wouldn't have sent a rookie, or even a mid-ranker - and he's been active on that one assignment for this long._

Tsunade's voice broke through his thoughts. "The operative has long black hair and black eyes. He is twenty-four and should be around…hmmm…a little less than one hundred and thirty pounds. I believe he's about three or four inches taller than you. Unfortunately, I can't offer you're his affiliation right now, but it should be obvious enough once you meet him. He'll know who you are; you guys have met before."

_Wow, Tsunade-baachan, that was very informative. Why don't you also tell me that he has two eyes and a nose? Geez. I know a billion people with black hair and eyes. Seriously, throw me a lifeline here, would you?_

_And twenty-four? What the hell? This guy sure is hardcore._

"When do I leave and where is the meeting place?"

The Hokage rubbed her hand over her eyes tiredly and continued briefing the captain. "The location would have to change every time were you to go to him, so he'll just come to you - you'll meet at the east end of the Great Naruto Bridge in the Land of Waves. I trust you know it? Good. I'll want that story later, by the way. Not right now since you leave tonight and need to pack."

Naruto sighed. "And how regularly is this going to be? Getting to the Land of Waves, even at top speed, will take three or four days."

"This will be every month, Naruto, until we pull him out - which, considering how quickly things are progressing, should be fairly soon; maybe three months at the most." The busty blonde had a happier air surrounding her now as she finally released some good news. "And remember, your confirmation code is 'Make-Out Violence' and his is 'Make-Out Tactics'. Jiraiya made the sound argument that nobody in their right mind would actually say that unless they were your contact."

The eighteen-year-old sighed again and gave his Hokage the standard ANBU salute before shunshining to his small apartment to pack.

\--

-


	2. The Icha Ichas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn is useful.

Naruto stilled as he poked his head out of the foliage from his place high above the bridge. That sign certainly brought back memories…but he couldn't afford to be distracted from his mission.  
Scanning the wide grey expanse of cement, he caught sight of a slightly unusual figure coming over the top wearing a thick black cloak with a hood.

_I'm willing to bet a month of ramen that that's my guy._

Sliding carefully down the tree and discreetly joining a caravan coming from his side toward the bustling bridge - apparently Tazuna had been right when he had said that the bridge would save them and their economy - he walked to the foot of the bridge and paused, moving over to the railing on the side as if preparing to spit…or maybe just check out the fish. Watching out of the corner of his eye, he saw the man inconspicuously making his way over to where he was relaxing. Straightening up and bracing his hands on the rail, he waited until the man was right next to him and then made a simple offhand comment.

"I don't know about you, but I know the author of Make-Out Violence personally. Impressed?"

The other man leaned against the iron fence and looked out on the water, his face obscured by the dark material of his cloak.

"Not one bit. I happen to know the author of Make-Out Tactics myself, see."

Naruto let out a tense breath and stood straighter, looking for all the world to the civilians surrounding them to be two friends engaged in some companionable conversation.

"And I would like to point out that Jiraiya-san is not a pervert, Naruto-kun. He has far surpassed all earthly levels of perversion. I would have to say he is bordering on godly indiscrimination between beings of the female persuasion now."

Naruto chuckled at the stranger's comment, then stiffened when he realized the deep voice had mentioned his name.

"Okay, who are you? The Hokage mentioned that we'd met before, but I don't recognize your voice and you seem to know the people I know."

The man paused. "I'm afraid that I cannot take off my hood - as my face is rather well-known - but I'm sure you can take my word for it when I say that my foolish little brother has been your teammate for years."

Naruto just stared, shocked by the revelation of his contact's identity.

 _What the hell.  
Itachi _fucking _Uchiha._

The criminal who ruined Sasuke's entire life; the S-class murderer who had tortured his little brother's mind countless times.  
The missing-nin who'd brutally slaughtered hundreds of his innocent clansmen.  
The Akatsuki doujutsu user that was feared in every nation and was given a special place on the very first page of the bingo book reserved for the most dangerous flee-on-sight rogue ninja…and also happened to be set on capturing and eventually killing Naruto himself.

 _No fucking way._  
Tsunade did _not_ just do this to him.

 _Mission first,_ he reminded himself, prying his fingers out of the dents his grip had made on the iron railings. _Mission first._  
He narrowed his eyes and reigned in his visible rage, creating a cool demeanor for the murderer to look at.

"You…are my contact."

Long black hair. Black eyes. Ensconced in a dangerous organization. Twenty-four now, which means that he would've been thirteen at mission start. ANBU captain. Uchiha Itachi.  
Every piece of the puzzle fit together. Why hadn't he realized? The man in front of him was definitely his contact.

Itachi answered, confirming Naruto's clear-cut realizations. "Yes. Here is the information and report." He pulled out a jet-black scroll from the equally dark folds of his coak and held it out for Naruto.

The blonde took it in two fingers, holding it delicately - in his mind, anything of Itachi's was equated with the black plague.  
A very valuable black plague.

Tsunade-baachan had trusted him with this. There must've been a good reason.

Snapping open his nin-pouch, he was about to slip the scroll inside when he noticed that the seal upon it was written in white. Pausing, he brought the scroll back in front of him and examined it more closely. He had seen black scrolls like the one Itachi had just passed him before, he just knew it. But where? It was highly unconventional; white ink was hard to come by.

Tucking away the scroll in his pouch, he let himself remember a frantic day years past…

\---

Naruto ran down the hall, his arms loaded with mission reports. "Why does baa-chan always make me put these away and then never gives me the directions to the storage room?!"

Flinging open the nearest door with his shoe - it was already open a crack - he rushed in and let his precarious pile topple down onto the floor. Somebody would come by later to organize them anyway. Plopping down on the floor and rubbing his back, he looked at the contents of the room.

He'd never seen this before.

Hundreds upon hundreds of deep black scrolls crowded the shelves, each adorned with a used seal in white ink.

… _What are these?_

Curiosity perked, he got up and made his way over to the nearest shelf. Picking one of the slim scrolls up, he disregarded the seal - it had already been opened - and took a look at the contents.

Whatever language it was in - no, on second thought…This was the ANBU storage area; it was probably some kind of code - was written in pure white ink and a smooth, flowing handwriting. Each stroke looked so natural and beautiful that he simply assumed a girl had written it.

Looking through the other scrolls he found the same thing. One person had written all of these, probably over the course of several years.

Hmm. What an enigma.

Unfortunately, Naruto didn't have time for enigmas today and so gathered up his load of reports one more time and carried them from the room, hopefully headed toward his correct destination this time around.

\---

And now he knew. Those reports with their neat scripted code had been handed in by Itachi over the past eleven years.

If nothing else, Naruto had to commend the guy for his fortitude. Anyone else would have given up long ago.

"Thank you, Tactics-san. I will be off now. See you in one month."

"Ah, yes, Violence-kun, I believe I have lingered much too long as it is. Have a safe trip home, and please remember to give the under-eighteen version of Make-Out Tactics a solid whack in the head. I really don't need his interference right now; my position in the organization is slightly tenuous. And with the leader, 'tenuous' of any sort is not a good thing. Good-bye." Itachi turned around and disappeared into the crowd, cloak swishing quietly with his movement.

Naruto grinned. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all. He seemed to have a sense of humor – however twisted it might've been – with his comment about Jiraiya, but what was that about 'the under-eighteen version' and 'tenuous'? He'd have to ask Tsunade later. For now, he needed to concentrate on getting home in one piece.

\--

-


	3. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sake police!

Naruto paused and ran a hand through his hair – it was a habitual movement whenever he was stressed or impatient; it seemed natural now that his sunny locks came down to his shoulders. He had to smooth it down once in a while, right? And of course it had the desirable added bonus of making the girls squee over his lithe sexiness.

Naruto had become a very carefree person now that the village was actually treating him normally, and he relished in the feeling of peace that it granted him. He realized what Shikamaru had been going on about now, although he didn't let laziness take over his life like the oh-so-ordinary chuunin did. He was an ANBU captain; strong, prideful, and the best of the best…which was why it was extraordinarily annoying to have to wait at the godforsaken gate checkpoint so his identity could be verified. He knew who he was, and so did Izumo and Kotetsu. But no, they couldn't just wave him into the village and let him go to the Hokage so he could turn in the scroll and information he'd acquired. No, they just _had_ to detain him for ten minutes to check and double check and triple check who he was. He knew that it was good that they took their job so seriously…but really. He'd have to ask Tsunade-baa to give him a scroll that would allow him to bypass the village checkpoint.

"Aw, come on, guys. You know it's me…"

Izumo, completely unimpressed by Naruto's skillful wheedling, turned and gave him a blank stare, lifting an eyebrow in an expression that said 'I _really_ don't care'. "Your ANBU identification, please?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and pulled up his sleeve, exposing the red-lined swirls of jet-black ink that adorned his shoulder. "Good enough?"

Kotetsu eyed it lazily and nodded, feeling much more cheery than his fellow nin. "Yeah, you can head over to Hokage-sama. Welcome back, by the way."

Naruto gave the two chuunin a cursory wave and started walking toward the Hokage Tower. He wished they would've just asked to see his tattoo in the first place; the ANBU insignia was done with a forbidden but superficial seal jutsu that couldn't be faked by any sort of genjutsu, henge, or makeup. In addition to that, all the captains' tattoos had the faint crimson shading that distinguished them from a normal member's markings and the Commander of the ANBU forces had a unique silver to his. So any way you tried, it would be impossible for a ninja to fake it and pass themselves off as him. Of course, it also meant that a fellow Captain could still impersonate him with relative ease.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again, straightening the wayward strands. _They must still be keeping an eye out for Itachi. There aren't any other Konoha ANBU captains gone missing-nin, and the guards wouldn't be worried about one of my colleagues masquerading as me. Although,_ he supposed, _Itachi is in reality my fellow captain now – or at least I_ know _about it now; he never really retired and he's still on a mission in full capacity as a captain – but they must not have been told. Am I really the only nin in Konoha besides Tsunade-baa-chan and the three advisors? Sasuke doesn't know; if he did he wouldn't be on a path of revenge. I don't think Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai, or Asuma know because if they did they wouldn't have fought him. Iruka doesn't know and Kiba's older sister Hana probably doesn't know, although she might have suspicions because anybody close to Itachi knew that he didn't like fighting and she was his teammate for a while… It's obvious that none of the Rookie Nine or Team Gai know; we'd have heard it from Ino or Lee at one point. Ibiki and Anko? Hmm… I doubt Anko; I don't think she ever had anything to do with Itachi. But Ibiki might know solely on the basis that he's the head of both ANBU Torture and Interrogation and the Hunter-nin divisions – if one of his ANBU ever brought Itachi in, he'd have to know not to hurt or break him in any way. Damn, Ibiki must know. No one else, though. Man, it really sucks being assigned confidential solo missions sometimes._

Coming to a stop in front of the red-painted tower, he pushed some chakra through his legs and jumped up to the window of the Hokage's office. Hey, if Kakashi could do it, why not him too? It was easier than trekking up all those annoying steps and then getting lost in the maze of halls that Shizune and Sakura affectionately called 'the labyrinth of clicking heels'; you could hear the Hokage coming from a mile away.

Thankfully, the window was open. It always peeved him when she locked it, so he'd warned her that if she didn't leave it open her sake stash might go missing sometime in the near future and that yes, he knew where the extra-secret hiding place of Mount Myoboku sake was. Hopping over the sill and landing silently on the green carpet behind her, he stood up and tapped the sleeping woman on the shoulder, giving the trail of drool at the corner of her mouth a glance of distaste.

"Granny, the sake police are here."

The godaime bolted upright, her eyes flashing as she clutched an imaginary jug of her favorite drink to her ample bosom. "What? Where? I'll not let them get to my stash today!"

Naruto walked around to the front of her desk and dragged out a chair from a corner of the room. "Hey, baa-chan. Nice to see you working so diligently while the rest of us are out sweating our asses off in the field attempting to complete really, really dangerous missions concerning what many regard to be the most prolific murderer in the history of our village coupled with the most dangerous criminal organization in the history of mankind. Thank you for warning me, by the way. I wasn't surprised at all when I met my contact."

The blonde woman slumped down on the desk stiffly, holding her head in her hands. "Glad to see you made it back with your sense of sarcasm intact, brat. Sorry about not telling you; you wouldn't have believed me if I'd told you before you met him yourself. And stop complaining. If there's anyone who can complete this mission successfully, it's you."

Naruto closed his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. But can you at least answer a couple questions?'

Tsunade blinked slowly. "Alright, why not. Shoot."

The captain sat up in his chair and leaned forward, clasping his hands together under his chin. "One. Can I talk about this mission with anybody besides you? Just in case I need to work out some frustration about it one day? I can't exactly go to Danzou or Homura or Koharu, and you have too much on your plate already to listen to my complaints. Does Ibiki know? He seemed fairly likely, as things go."

The Hokage groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. "Yes, Naruto, Ibiki is aware of the situation, as are the heads of the other four ANBU divisions – Espionage, Tactics, Outside Support, and In-Village Support. You have my permission to talk to any of them about it."

The jinchuuriki stared at his leader blankly. "…And?"

The reply came right back. "And what?"

"And are you going to tell me who they are? It's not exactly public information, and I kind of need to know it if I'm going to talk to them at one point."

The hand moved up to rub the forehead as if attempting to massage the stress away. "Well, you already know the head of In-Village – Yamanaka Inoichi – since that's your division, but as for the others…" she looked up, ticking them off on her fingers. "Espionage is Shiranui Genma, Outside Support is Ebisu, and Tactics is Nara Shikaku."

"…Genma."

"Yes."

"He is undeniably the laziest person I know outside of the Nara clan and kind of conspicuous to boot. And he's a _chuunin_." Naruto gasped out incredulously.

"That's exactly what he wants you to think, brat. He's in _espionage._ The whole point is deception, infiltration, and underestimation, and he pulls it off perfectly." she replied matter-of-factly.

Naruto sat back. "Just out of curiosity, what division was – _is_ – Itachi in?"

Tsunade contemplated his question for a minute or so before she answered. "I'm not sure. You'll have to ask him yourself next month if you want to know – the heads won't disclose who exactly is in their division. What was your second question?"

He paused. "…What is 'the under-eighteen version of Icha Icha Tactics' supposed to mean?"

What? He really wanted to know.

The busty blonde chuckled. "You reffered to him as Make-Out Tactics, right?"

The captain's reply was right to the point. "Of course, baa-chan. That was the code."

"He was talking about Sasuke, Naruto. Why? What did he say?"

"Something about giving him a good whack…oh. Okay." Naruto grinned confidently. "I'm liking Itachi more and more. Maybe this won't be quite so bad after all."

\--

-


	4. Second Meeting: The Couple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What lovebirds.

Naruto ambled up the bridge and shoved his hands into the voluptuous pockets of the drawstring dress he was wearing.

"Hey, hubby. Whatcha up to that we needed to meet here?"

Naruto had decided to fall into a casual ambiance for this encounter. He figured it would fit, considering that Itachi had written in his last report that they would be acting as husband and wife for this second meeting.  
He wasn't very happy, though, about being assigned the female role. He'd just have to switch it up on the guy next time.

"Hello, dear. You're early. And I must say, that dress looks spectacular on your shapely form. Oiroke?"

Naruto lounged against the railing and lifted an eyebrow, glaring at the newcomer. "Are you _laughing_ at me, honey?"

And indeed, there was a friendly sparkle to his eyes and a small upturn to his lips that might qualify as the beginning of a smile.

"…Not at all, koi."

The blonde-turned-brunette woman glared at her husband surreptitiously. "Somehow, I just can't bring myself to believe you. I wonder why that is?"

Itachi really did let a tiny smile slip this time – just slightly, mind you, but Naruto decided that it brought the Official Itachi Smile Count up to one – and leaned out over the rusted metal bars, tilting his wrinkled face and pale red hair to the sky. "It is my utmost fortune to have a young wife like you, especially when she has so many suitors after her."

The jinchuuriki tensed slightly and then forced himself to relax. _Suitors? Aw, shoot. I've got people after me…it has to be one of the Akatsuki, or Itachi wouldn't know himself._ Turning back to his teammate, he giggled. "I really do? Tell me more, honey!"

The older man sighed, bringing his hand up to stroke his clean-shaven chin thoughtfully. "Well, there's this young blonde that looks to be a little suspicious – he seems to think I'm forcing you to be with me against your will." Chuckling, he gazed at Naruto through dim black eyes. "He apparently can't see the depth of our love for each other." The twinkle was back.

Naruto drew closer, giving his partner a one-armed squeeze so the agent could slip the customary black scroll into his dress. Pulling back with an annoyed look, he drawled, "Seriously? My boobs?"

The red-haired man brought a hand up and pushed the almost-visible scroll down the dress and deeper into her cleavage where it could not be seen. It was thin, after all. "You needed to fill out a little anyway."

The brunette rolled her eyes and grabbed the edge of the loose shirt her husband was wearing, pulling him toward the middle of the bridge and heading for the shops in the middle.  
Because the bridge was such a monstrosity, the townspeople had taken advantage of both the bustling foot traffic and the extra space along the sides of the bridge and built stalls along the flat stone expanse. These various stands ranged from sweetshops to stores selling trinkets to tools to random grocers.

Naruto headed in the direction of a ramen stand with a truly one-track mind. "Come on, sweetheart, I haven't had ramen for a week!" He tugged again, looking back when nothing gave.

Itachi was standing stock-still, so resolute in his position that Naruto almost tore his sleeve off in an attempt to get him to the ramen-ya. "Honey? Why did you stop?"

The older male raised an arm quietly, pointing at the shop they were next to. Naruto had to squint to make out the faded blue sign. "Da…n…go. You want dango?"

The redhead took his question for an affirmative and walked to the counter, pulling his wife along with him. "We'd like an order of bocchan dango for two, please."

Naruto leaned forward, whispering in Itachi's ear as the cashier bustled around fulfilling their order. "Um, Tactics? What's 'bocchan dango'? I only know hanami and mitarashi…"

Itachi answered him softly as the owner came back with their order, accepting a few coins and handing the red-haired man the two skewers. "Only the best type of dango ever created."

Naruto looked at him skeptically and accepted his stick of the sweet food. Examining the tri-colored food, he took an experimental like and decided that he liked it.

Walking to the edge of the bridge and retracing their steps to the railing, the brunette turned to her husband. "I did what you asked the other day. I didn't tell him who told me to do it, though, so he's been skittish around everyone who comes within ten feet recently. Like he's afraid they'll jump him or something. It's kind of funny, actually."

Itachi paused, working slowly at the red bean portion of his dango. "…What exactly did you say to him?"

"I hit him over the head and told him, 'That was from your secret admirer. He wants you to stop interfering, but he loves you more than anything.' His expression was so perfect!"

Itachi smiled softly as Naruto laughed hysterically. "Very appropriate, koi. Now I see why he's afraid of being jumped. I trust you'll keep an eye on him?"

The brunette answered immediately, a confident grin plastered on her face. "Of course, love. I wouldn't think of leaving him to his own devices. He's my best friend – as screwed up as he may be – and I always protect my friends."

Itachi tilted his head so that his red-grey hair fell over his face and pinned Naruto with a piercing stare. "Am I counted among these friends of yours?"

The busty female paused, adjusting the way the dress fell over her legs thoughtfully. "I'm not sure, Tactics, not yet. But I like out meetings, so if things keep going this way…yes. Definitely." He affirmed his declaration with a thumbs up and a smile.

The older man turned back to the water, flipping the dango stick smoothly between his fingers. "I…enjoy our conversations as well, Violence, and I hope that they will continue in the future." He pushed off the railing and stepped away. "I wish you a safe journey back to your father's home. And remember to watch out for that love-bedraggled young suitor of yours, my dear."

Naruto pushed off as well. "Thanks, honey. And for next time, I request a switch."

The wrinkled man turned back in question. "Switch?"

"Mm, yeah. I call Yukihiko."

Itachi's eyes widened mutely in understanding. "Well, then, I shall have to take Ayako, ne? Will do. Now, if you don't mind, I need to be off."

The brunette grinned femininely and sashayed in the other direction. Stepping off the bridge, he quickly made a clone and used kawarimi on a pebble just inside the forest. Activation shunshin, he sped toward Konoha as silently as he could, staying to tree cover. If Deidara was really after him, he couldn't traverse a clearing unless he wanted to be spotted from the air. Setting a good pace, he closed his eyes and ordered his still-walking clone to go into the women's bathroom in a nearby restaurant. It walked in, closed the door, and dissipated.  
Naruto grinned and altered his henge to show long white hair and wrinkles.

_He'll never beat me, the number one most unpredictable kickass ninja in Konoha!_

\---

\--


	5. Three Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What, you don't know about Yuki and Aya either?!

Naruto sighed and stretched before going limp and plopping down in his customary puffy chair in the hokage's office. "Aaah…It's nice to be back. I wonder if they missed me?"

The door opened with a creak and Tsunade stepped through. "Keep dreaming, brat. You were gone for a week. We all appreciated the silence."

The blue eyes narrowed, pouting. "Liar. You always are glad to see me. I'm just naturally lovable; you can't resist."

His leader gave him a dry look and a nod. "Sure, gaki. Whatever you say. But enough banter, let's get to business. The transfer went off without a hitch?"

Naruto nodded, a serious look stealing over his face. "Yes. I used Oiroke – it's different from a henge in that it can't be detected as easily and therefore safer; I slipped Itachi-san a note on how to do it – and met up with him in the regular spot. We maintaining our cover under the impression that we were husband and wife and called each other accordingly."

A thin eyebrow lifted skeptically. "'Accordingly'?"

The blonde felt a slight blush creep over his face and he mentally slapped himself, answering Tsunade calmly. "Yes, terms such as 'love', 'dearest', 'koi', and the like. Nobody gave us a second glance. He slipped the scroll into my dress at one point-" _Although I won't say where-_ "and none the wiser. We picked up something to eat afterwards and then parted. He had initially dropped me a line about having suitors – our pre-agreed-upon code for somebody that might be trailing one of us – and said there was a young blonde after my assets. Going from what I already know of the Akatsuki I took that to mean Deidara was on to me in some way, shape, or form, and acted consequently."

The busty woman leaned forward, frowning. "Deidara? The Iwa explosions specialist?"

"Yes. Once I stepped off the bridge, I lost myself in a crowd of people and created a clone. Before anybody noticed, I replaced my real self with a pebble from the edge of the forest and started toward the village. I ordered my clone to go to a women's bathroom and dissipate so whoever it was that followed me would lose track."

Tsunade leaned back into the threadbare chair, pride for her grandson-figure evident on her face. Naruto was exceeding her expectations for him with every mission.

She just really hoped this wouldn't be his last.

_And to kawarimi with a pebble… replacing youself with a very large or very small object takes an insane amount of chakra control. That is impressive, brat._

"Was there anything else?"

Naruto smiled and nodded happily. "I told him we'd switch up for next meeting, 'cause I was kinda annoyed at having to be the girl, ya know? So I told him that I called Yukihiko and he knew what I meant since he said he'd take Ayako."

The woman across from him let a confused expression cover her face. "What?"

The Jinchuuriki tilted his head in wonder. "You don't know who Yuki and Aya are?"

Tsunade frowned. "Should I?"

Naruto nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well, yeah! I mean, they're the main characters in Icha Icha Paradise! Yukihiko Natsume and Ayako Jijinsha! You never read it? I figured that Ero-sennin would have made you edit them or something since that's what he had me do on our trip a couple years ago. Either way, you really should check it out; it's a classic."

The hokage rolled her eyes and let her forehead fall into her hands. "No, Naruto, I promised myself I'd never succumb to the temptation. It just surprises me that Itachi has."

The energetic ANBU stilled. "Wow, you're right. I never really thought about that. Yet more proof that he really isn't the stuck-up asshole he makes everybody think he is!"

_Okay. Secret Number One: Itachi likes dango more than anything... I think. Secret Number Two: He's more open around me than anyone else - although I still have yet to get him to admit it. Secret Number Three: He reads Icha Icha. And the Smile Count is up to two so far. I can do this!_

The godaime watched her protégé with an amused smile on her face, wondering what had happened to make him jump and dance internally. Was it good that Itachi read those perverted books or something? She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. Oh well. It seemed that all of Konoha's best read those books, so she couldn't exactly ban them as distracting material. Hell, even Sakura read them!

Looking up, she picked a pencil from her desk and launched it at the happy blonde. "Oi. Brat. Pay attention." Naruto perked up sheepishly. "So that code was simply to tell him that he'd be a girl next meeting and you'd be the guy?"

The man nodded. "Yup."

"Alright. Hand over that scroll and you can go home or to Ichiraku's or whatever strikes your fancy."

The blonde pulled the scroll from his pocket and tossed it to her. "Actually, I think I might head over to that dango shop Anko-san likes so much. See ya later, baa-chan!"

Tsunade watched him leave, curiosity sparked at the change of mind. Giving up at understanding her blonde brat, she turned back to her scrolls with a sigh. "Whatever."

\---

\--


	6. Third Meeting: The Couple, Reversed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Straight as a fuuma shuriken, indeed.

Naruto leaned against the oxidized metal of the railing and sighed.

_Where is Itachi?_

_He was supposed to have been here ten minutes ago and there was no mention in his report last month that_ he _was under more suspicion, just that_ I _was. AdI would think that if he wasn't able to come he would have definitely left a message or a crow or something to that end. So…he's either off fighting or maybe just late. Late makes me feel better, so I'll wait a little while longer._

Reaching down and fiddling with the paper sack attached to his belt, he opened the bag slightly and let the delectable smell of dango escape. Reaching in and pulling out a stick, he popped the first ball into his mouth and chewed slowly, letting the mouthwatering taste melt on his tongue.

_This is the best signal ever! Aside from ramen, of course, but anybody holding a bowl of ramen up in the middle of a bridge is way too conspicuous. Although I do wonder why Itachi chose this particular food…He seemed to like it last time, certainly, so maybe…maybe dango is to him what ramen is to me?_

Grinning through his mouthful at the revelation, he snorted. He'd discovered one of Itachi's secrets! He was finally beginning to crack the enigma of his weasel partner!

Smiling lazily, he stuck the now-empty stick between his teeth and stared out at the horizon, only to jump and stiffen when he felt a slender hand at his waist. Breath coming in short gasps, he took his hands off the iron bars. "Aya?"

The hand tightened and whirled him around, pressing his chest into two soft mounds and tilting his face down to look at a blonde beauty with the most entrancing, ethereal eyes that he's ever seen. And a nice face to go along with it, too, he realized.

_Is this who I think it is?_

He was suddenly distracted from her serpentine green eyes as the mouth began moving, lips forming shapes and words that he probably should have been listening to.

"…dearest Yuki?"

Snapping out of his reverie, he realized that he had indeed missed most of what she was saying. But the last word had been a name…Yuki. Oh, my.

"Sorry, I was preoccupied, babydoll. How are your fish doing? You keeping their tank clean?"

The blonde – Itachi, he knew now – blinked slowly and shifted against him, obviously taking advantage of their impromptu hug to slip the scroll into Naruto's pants. "Oh, yes. They're as healthy as could be. It's like they don't realize all the stuff I do when I'm not around."

_Good. No one's after him yet. But why…?_

"Tactics, what the hell is with your obsession with my…unmentionables? Last time it was the boobs and cleavage, now it's my package?"

"I simply like manly men, love. You're not manly enough at the moment, so I'm reinforcing what you already have."

Naruto glared at the petite woman, his brown hair blowing in front of his eyes. He wasn't going to take that lying down. He was bigger than a lot of his guy friends, that was for sure; Itachi had no right to insult him like that! "That's the pot calling the kettle black, sweetie. The way I see it, you're severely lacking in anything masculine at all. In fact, I believe I can see ample breasts in front of me."

The girl seemed surprised and slightly offended at his remark. "I'll have you know that I am the epitome of femininity, idiot! Why on earth would I have…that?" She pointed at his pants. "Although, I assure you, if I was a man? I'd _totally_ be bigger than you!"

Naruto looked at her flatly, sunlight reflecting on his grey eyes. "Really."

"Yes!"

The brunette thought for a minute. "…If I gave you the rest of the dango in my hip-pack, would you admit I'm bigger than your imaginary male self, as hot and amazing as this male self might be?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed, perfectly in character. "Are you admitting feelings for my imaginary male self, perhaps?"

The slate-grey orbs widened in a combination of embarrassment, realization, and worry. _Did he realize I actually meant that?_ "Oh, uh, not at all, honey. I love you just the way you are. Totally straight, don't you worry."

The blonde looked up at her boyfriend, sucking on her dango sexily. "Yeah, sure. Straight as a fuuma shuriken."

Naruto pouted and then stiffened as the fact that Itachi had sneaked the dango from his pouch registered in his mind. "Hey! When'd you take those?"

"When you blushed and started daydreaming after I made you think of my male self."

Naruto spluttered and then paused. "I'm still mad at you. You could've asked for them."

"Why? You were planning to give them to me anyway, right? I'll do anything for a little dango."

The brunette stopped as he imagined female Itachi dressed up in a nurse outfit, legs splayed sexily, reaching piteously for a skewer of the sweet snack. _"Please, master Naruto~?"_

Itachi reached up and thwacked him on the head. "I _knew_ I shouldn't have said that… This is what I get for not thinking before I speak…" Groaning, he watched the grey eyes flutter back open. "What on earth were you imagining?"

Naruto scratched his head nervously, fully aware of what Itachi would probably do if he heard what Naruto had been thinking. "Oh, nothing, nothing, Tactics. Nothing at all." Switching topics abruptly, he recalled what had just been said. "You don't think before you speak? Man, even I have to. Kakashi practically drilled it into me a couple years back."

The woman sighed, bringing her arm up to cover her eyes. "I normally think before I speak. It's just…I haven't been around someone that I could really, truly be open with for…oh, nigh on twelve years, I should think. It's hard to restrain myself around this opportunity." He lowered the arm and gave a sheepish smile. "Sorry if you don't like it. It just happens when I'm around you."

Naruto grinned and patted the blonde's head. "It's fine, honey. I'm just used to the rest of your family being stuck-up bitches who like to piss me off."

_Smile count: Two._

Itachi frowned. "I suppose that _is_ my fault, in a way; otouto's like that because I told him to live his life out in revenge. I'm glad he's found something else to live for now, though."

The brunette laughed, leaning against the bars again. "Yeah, he and old white-eyes make a great couple. I have to admit, I just can't see him with a girl, and they both have the same stuck-up attitude… They're perfect together."

The girl straightened up and turned slightly. "I'm afraid I've overstepped my time boundaries here, Violence; I must be off. Thank you for the conversation, though, and I will see you next time with a drastic reduction in height."

Naruto smiled jauntily and waved a goodbye. "See ya at home, honey!"

Skipping happily to the end of the bridge, he stepped onto the road and turned into a convenient butcher's stall. Waving a 'hi' to the man, he walked through the store and exited out the back door before creating two clones and making his way back to the village.

\---

\--


	7. Fourth Meeting: Mommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did somebody say Oedipus?

"Mommy!"

The sobs rang out from the little boy's shivering body. Opening his mouth, he called again, almost choking from the tears pouring down his face. "Mooommy!" Reaching a chubby little hand up to wipe away the salty tears as best he could, his arm was stopped by an old, wrinkled hand.

"Hey, kid, you lost?"

Naruto glanced up, shaking his pale blonde hair out of his eyes and giving a mighty sniff. "Yeah, mister…my mommy got tripped and then somebody pushed me and I got dragged away from her and then I cried and nobody listened and then I yelled again and then you came over and _I want my mommy!_ "

The man stepped back to avoid the fresh flood of snot and saltwater streaming down the brat's face. Unfortunately, he was just too kind for his own good. "Alright, kid, what does your mom look like? I can lift you up and we can search the crowd together. I'm sure she's trying her very best to find you, so let's help her a little."

The eighteen-turned-four-year-old wiped his red nose on a coarse blue sleeve and nodded. "My mommy's real pretty!"

The old bridge-builder blinked slowly. "Can…you maybe tell me anything else? I'm sure she's very beautiful, but this is only a half-mile or so from the red light- uh, _entertainment_ district-" _God I hope that's not where he lives; innocence like his shouldn't be spoiled so early on. He deserves better, the poor kid,_ "-so there are a lot of…pretty…girls around. Do you know what she's wearing, at least?"

The little blonde's face turned into a pout as he thought as hard as he could, determined to help the man find him mother.

"Ummm…A dress?"

The man tilted his head toward the sky exasperatedly and sighed. Trust a four-year-old to think in terms of 'pretty' and 'female' instead of 'long black hair', 'medium-sized bust', 'worried grey eyes'- oh, no, that was the anxious-looking lady hurrying toward them. Maybe…?

He reached down to ruffle the boy's flaxen strands and steal a reflexive glance at his eyes. Shimmering a startling blue, he knew he'd remember them for the rest of his life. Those eyes…he could've sworn that he had seen them before on some kid many years ago…but no, that was probably his shitty memory doing the talking. There's no way this little guy was the spunky nin-let that had saved his bridge and this town. Although there was always the possibility of a son…

Smiling and shaking his head to clear the scattered thoughts, he cleared his throat. "Hey, kid. Is that young lady over there your mommy?"

Hope filled Naruto's eyes as the woman pushed through the crowd toward them. Bursting through the masses and slowing into their little clearing next to an onigiri stand, she gasped as her eyes found the brat.

"Is that you, Vio?"

The boy grinned, rushing to meet the woman. "Mommy Taku!" Jumping on her, he giggled as Itachi stumbled back under the momentum. "We found you!"

"Oh, sweetie, I was so worried…" Smiling softly, she turned and bowed to the old man. Thank you ever so much, sir. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't found my Vio-chan!"

The man nodded stiffly, shoving up his glasses. "You're very welcome, miss. I saw him crying and was naturally quite worried, so it's good we found you. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go find my grandson." Nodding to the two, he whirled around and melted into the crowd, glancing back one more time to see the woman settle her son on her hip comfortably and walk towards the other end of the bridge.

Naruto grinned from his position pressed into one of Itachi's breasts and pulled on the sleek black hair falling down her back. "This isn't awkward at all."

The woman suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. "I modeled myself after my mother. It is much easier to act like her than to attempt to imitate a different mother persona, but it is also slightly nostalgic, so I may not be at my analytical best right now."

The cheeky grin disappeared from the child's tanned features and he sobered, brought back to more serious topics by his contact's depressing thoughts. He decided to change the course of the conversation and get Itachi thinking about something slightly happier, if he could.

"How's the search for big brother going?"

The raven ignored the kid on her hip for a minute, concentrating on arriving next to a bench at the teahouse ahead of them. Stopping and sighing, she lifted Naruto up with a soft grunt at his weight and plopped him down on the aged wood before sitting next to him and leaning back on her hands.

"He seems to be quite an unruly child, Violence - much like you, in fact; he's a devious bastard and we haven't been able to locate him yet. Of course, that could also be because I've been doing my best to support our cause at home."

The blonde nodded approvingly, expression contrasting heavily with his flickering green eyes. He was worried for Itachi, plain and simple. The man was under such stress… Well. He'd think about that later.

"Any leads on your pet Foxie?"

The woman shook her head, loose hair cascading around her shoulders in a halo. "Not since my brother – you know, the destructive one – lost sight. They've passed him off as a lost cause, so I think he's safer than any of my other pets have been out in the wild like that. And he knows enough not to get killed. The predators are clueless when it comes to him." Itachi sagged limply onto the bench. "I am…tired today. If you don't mind, I'll change your diaper and then we can leave."

Naruto nodded agreeably, letting his mother lean over and pick him up. Walking into the teahouse, managed to get directions to the baby-changing area of the traveler's section. Following the man's finger, she walked into the women's bathroom and promptly let the little blonde down. Both hengeing once again, they left the bathroom one at a time and turned separate ways, Naruto now hanging onto a small black scroll and Itachi carrying an exhausted expression on his now-bearded face.

They parted on a somber note.

\--

-


	8. Analyzing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inoichi can be useful.

Naruto sighed and sat himself down with a solid _thunk_ on the stone head of the fourth. It had been his tradition since forever to come mull over his problems up here, and he wasn't about to stop now. Over the years he'd even worn himself a nice little spot between two spiky cones of hair. Settling himself in, he let out a big breath and stared out over the village into the encroaching night. It was always easier to do this at twilight; the cool colors were calming and relaxed him even as the wind began to wrap around his exposed arms and provided the beginnings of the autumn chill.

It had been four months since he'd met the real Itachi behind the façade of a heartless killer, and it was beginning to wear at him. Even Naruto couldn't be cheerful forever, as much as the rest of the Rookie Nine argued otherwise. The blond Jinchuuriki was a fervently, passionately happy person, but for a long time he had hidden his true emotions and intelligence under a mask – a mask that was extraordinarily similar to one Uchiha Itachi's own, even if they were created for different reasons and under different circumstances.

Naruto had come to realize that his first impression of his partner was so very wrong. Itachi hadn't been emotionally repressed, as he'd first thought. No, the Uchiha heir had simply hidden everything of meaning under the stony exterior.

It was strikingly similar to and yet fundamentally different from what Naruto had done, many years ago.

From his birth to age five he'd been under the care of the Sandaime Hokage – Jii-san – but at six he'd been told sadly that he had to provide for himself if he wanted to prove that he could enter the academy at all, let alone at the normal age. He had nodded firmly and entered into the harsh world of an adult. And within the month, the mask of a jubilantly idiotic orphan was set in stone.

And Itachi…from birth to age thirteen he'd been pressured past the breaking point over and over again to kill, succeed, kill, rise in rank, kill, gain power, and kill. Naruto had heard the gory details of Uchiha Fugaku's ugly need to pressure his eldest son from his younger, Sasuke – and even though his friend cursed his older brother's guts to high heaven and the deepest, darkest, pits of hell and back, the teenager had also openly admitted that he could see how Itachi could easily have cracked under the sheer load of expectations and slain the clan. Of course, this didn't mean he was innocent in any way. Just because the guy had a reason didn't absolve him of the crime.  
Either way, Naruto knew that if there was one thing Itachi hated above all else, it was killing, and yet the boy-turned-man had been groomed from age zero to be the killing perfection. It was no mystery as to why _his_ mask had formed, protecting the last vestiges of his honor, idealism, and sanity.

And it was beginning to crack, to let Naruto in to see all the troubles, miseries, and encompassing problems exposed to the eye like an open wound.

Shaking his head to clear his mind, Naruto leaned back on a cold spike and turned to the man that had accompanied him upon request to the top of the mountain.

"According to Tsunade-sama, you know the truth."

Inoichi nodded, and that simple action, fraught with understanding, explained everything. He was willing to listen, to comfort, to assuage fears and build pride – after all, what else could be expected from the head of a unit specifically designed to monitor the psyches of a bunch of crazed lunatics that murdered on orders?

Naruto grinned sourly and began. "What do you know of him?"

The blonde pause for a heavy minute, tugging absently on a strand of his waist-length hair. "Uchiha Itachi…I had the pleasure of being his psych evaluator during his stint in ANBU – I guess I still am, actually, since he hasn't technically left it yet – and I am happy to say he seemed quite sane, even if he employed unusual methods to keep said sanity." Tugging his haori down, he continued. "Normally, a typical nin will indulge in something that distracts them or makes them forget, whether it be alcohol, women, gambling, reading, training, or even things as depressingly serious as cutting or purposefully maiming themselves. But that boy… At first glance, it was simply as if nothing affected him. But after many in-depth evaluations, I realized that he had deeply buried insecurities – not about himself, but concerning whether he was really not able to adequately protect his village without killing and whether he could protect his brother and mother so he wouldn't have to see them die. I found it insanely confusing – there was such an extreme amount of pressure on him and yet he thought more about Mikoto-san and Sasuke-kun. It was very odd." Reopening his eyes, he began again. "But enough of my analysis. What about him is troubling you? I was under the impression that he was a very polite individual, never insulting or insinuating anything negative and never pressuring or manipulating."

Naruto stretched and cracked his spine slowly.

"The past meeting was structured around a lost child setting; I was looking for my mommy and she found me after an old man helped me. We both looked very similar to our old selves but I was around four and he utilized a smooth gender-switch, obviously. I didn't realize it until I made a thoughtless comment and it obviously recalled bad memories, but his female form looks astonishingly like his mother – he said it was easier to be motherly if he had an example to model his reactions off of – and while he claimed it to be 'nostalgic', it was more than slightly obvious that it depressed him."

Inoichi frowned, and Naruto took that as a sign to continue.

"And if you think that he was under a lot of pressure back then compared to nowadays, think again. He must be a millimeter away from spontaneously combusting, because he looks exhausted and it's obvious he's exceedingly stressed. It was probably easier years ago because even though he was about to turn on his clan, at least he could still act mostly himself. But recently he's had to keep everything under lock and key more than usual and he's also been working on the outside to find the Hachibi – we referred to the guy as my 'brother' for obvious reasons – and on the inside to foil every attempt equally while avoiding suspicion and swaying it away from me as well. It's an insanely complicated string of constant activity that I wouldn't trust to anybody else at any costs but also makes me wary of his mental state. Any more and no matter how good he is, he really _will_ slip up and kill us both. I think he should be pulled out and slowly reintroduced to the Konoha front."

The commander's eyes were wide, mind attempting to process the humongous amount of information and ending decision that had been delivered to him in near one breath.

"Well, Naruto, I am certainly glad that he's been able to function so perfectly up to now, but you'll have to ask Lady Tsunade for permission to pull him out. I do agree that it seems necessary, though."

The younger blonde let his head fall back as he watched the stars above twinkle softly. Night had fallen while they'd been talking to each other, and he was just happy to have gotten all of his worries for Itachi off his chest and letting another person in on his thoughts.

"Thanks, Inoichi-san, I will."

The older man nodded silently.

\--

-


	9. Fifth Meeting: Arrest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuunins, kids: they're dangerous.

_This is the last meeting. I've gotta make it count._

With a final mental pep talk, Naruto slid off his seat on the railing and into the crowd – it was particularly busy today, with travelers and vendors milling about – and made his way toward his target. Sighting a tall man with the same auburn hair and brown eyes as himself, the jinchuuriki pushed the last of the people aside viciously to make a clearing and pointed an accusing finger at Itachi.

"Oi! You! Get over here and fight me like a man!"

The harsh yell made the people surrounding him jerk back in surprise and turn, openly staring at his brash behavior at the seemingly innocent man. Easily weathering their disapproving glares, he ran forward and pulled his teammate around to face him harshly. "You fucking stole my woman! How could you?!"

Itachi glanced up condescendingly as if he had only just noticed his counterpart's loud presence

"Just because we're twins does not mean we have to share everything! She was mine, Hiro! And you took her away!" Naruto roared his accusations, rearing back to sock Itachi in the jaw with the best of his stagefighting ability. His contact provided a nice sound effect with a discreet fist pounding into his concealed hand.

One particularly delicate woman fainted.

The assaulted brother ignored her and spoke slowly with a pained smirk. "We're not _sharing_ ; she doesn't want you at all. She said you're pathetic and that I'm a better lay in the first place.

Naruto made a show of gritting his teeth in fury and lunged. " _You_ …!"

Itachi braced himself for the onslaught but then relaxed as a burly man wearing an official uniform appeared out of nowhere to restrain his attacker. "Thanks, man," he gasped through the nonexistent pain his brother had inflicted on him.

The officer watched him curiously for a few seconds before reaching out to grab Itachi's shirt as well – much to Naruto's delight – and dragged him along, Naruto giving him a death glare from over the man's shoulder. "Sorry," he flatly declared, "but you're just as much at fault as he is, from what I heard, especially considering that you're the reason he made a disturbance in the first place."

Giving the viciously protesting brother a harsh tug, he towed the two of them along until they reached a starkly forbidding building. "Prison sweet prison." The officer greeted the ugly building with a skeptical smile. "Man, I hate this place. And if _I_ hate it, you guys should be scared. _Real_ scared. They have bona-fide ninja in here – I happen to know that they keep a _chuunin_ down in the lower levels. Just hope you don't get tossed anywhere near him, boys."

Naruto rolled his eyes. And what would the guy say if he knew that he was towing an ANBU captain and S-class criminal and had a kage-in-training in the other arm? Pssh. A chuunin. The fact that the Land of Waves didn't have a ninja village of its own really showed. It was almost laughable – especially when you consider that if the building was built to restrain a chuunin at most, then the two of them would have no trouble whatsoever escaping and going on their merry way.

The man had made his way inside, by that point, and plopped them down in front of two increasingly muscled wardens. "See ya, and try not to get too beat up in there. It was fun knowin' you!"

Itachi masked a snort in a cough, massaging the area on his face where Naruto had allegedly punched him. The guards ignored his pain and grabbed them by the arms, dragging them stumbling and cursing down two flights of dank, musty stairs and into what amounted to a cage sequestered in a lonely corner. "In."

The two nin complied, watching forlornly as the door clanged shut, rust flaking off the bars with the bang. Naruto plopped himself down on the floor as the wardens retreated, glad to be out of the public eye at last. "That was certainly a trial. One of the hardest things I've ever done, making it seem like I was beating on an innocent. You okay?"

Itachi had slumped against the door, facing his teammate. "I suppose…I keep thinking that if I go out in public someone will know who I am under this henge and I'll be caught. It's only a typical case of paranoia, but it still makes an impact."

Naruto sighed and leaned against the wall, head thunking against the moldy stone. "But now you're done. I have orders from Tsunade-baachan to bring you home at any cost."

The once-raven looked up. "Godaime-sama said that? I don't believe I gave any sign that I needed to pull out immediately in my last scroll…"

The jinchuuriki grinned sheepishly. "Well, I was actually the one that prodded her about it, initially, but it didn't take that long for her to agree after I got Inoichi in on it and he advocated for my cause."

The Uchiha's eyes widened in anger and his henge broke as he was across the cell in a flash, straddling Naruto with a kunai to the throat. " _You told Yamanaka-soutaicho?_ How could you?! This is not his problem!" He hissed in Naruto's ear, long black hair brushing the blonde's face. "I could have handled it!"

Naruto's henge cracked and shattered as he lowered his voice an octave, determined to get two things through the distressed shinobi's head. "Itachi! You obviously cannot handle it, or we wouldn't be in this position! And I did it because I _care about you!_ Is that really so terrible, for me to be concerned with your welfare?!"

Itachi stiffened as the statement registered and black eyes flashed blood red as he took hold of Naruto's hair, pulling the captain's head forward and meeting soft lips with his own. The blonde stilled in surprise before realizing what the slim man was doing. Pulling away, he drew an arm over his reddened lips quickly and regarded the pale face in shock. "What the hell?"

The spy watched him warily, confused. "You said that you care for me. I am attempting to prove that I do too. Do you not…feel the same way?"

Naruto blinked.

And blinked again.

"Wait, what?"

Itachi sighed and pulled himself off of his partner, sitting on the chilled slates in front of him. "These past few months… this is odd for me to be saying this, I know, but I truly feel that they have been some of the best in my life. Previously, I was simply living for Sasuke and additionally, for Konoha, but knowing and interacting with you pleases me. I don't know how else to express my want to be near you, so I assumed I should simply alert you in the most forward and direct way I could think of."

Naruto stared at him nervously. "Wait…you left the village at thirteen…and didn't have a very familial atmosphere while in Konoha anyway…Did you ever get 'the birds and the bees' talk?"

Itachi snorted softly. "Please, Naruto. I may be repressed, but I am not quite _that_ repressed. There were plenty of chances in Akatsuki."

The blonde frowned. "Chances?"

He was answered with a brief nod. "Hidan is quite the sex fiend and Deidara and Sasori have no shame, trust me."

Naruto's eyes widened as the image entered him mind. " _Them?_ Aw, man. Yuck. Bad mental picture…But that's not what I was asking. So you _do_ realize that you can't have kids with men?"

The Uchiha eyed him flatly. "Really, Naruto? I hadn't realized."

The kage-in-training had the decency to blush, ducking his head embarrassedly. "But…If we were together, you wouldn't be able to continue Uchiha. And unless Sasuke and Neji break up, the line will be lost forever. Is that really what you want?"

Itachi frowned. "I personally don't care, one way or another. Sometimes I think about it and I realized that seeing more children in the complex again would probably just hurt more than it ever could help – although if otouto decides to get a wife, that would be fine with me," he amended quickly. "But it was always him that wanted to repopulate the clan. Not me. I have…I have known I liked men since I was twelve. It's one of the reasons Father began distancing himself from me and started helping Sasuke. It wasn't right for an Uchiha, let alone the heir to the clan, to be gay. It just didn't _happen._ "

Naruto thought back to Sasuke and gave a laugh. "Your dad must be pissed to high heaven, wherever he is, that both his noble sons of Uchiha have gone to the dark side. But don't worry, nobody will think less of you in any way for your choice."

Itachi smiled softly, looking off to the side. "Oh, I know, Naruto. Some people figured it out before I left, and while they teased me mercilessly about it, they never thought less of me for it. Anko being a prime example."

The captain looked like he had just sucked on a lemon. " _Anko?_ Oh, my. That was daring of you."

"Not in the least. Anko keeps secrets very well and is quite understanding when she wants to be. She probably just doesn't seem that way to you because you haven't taken her out for dango yet. She's like you, in a way; the way to their hearts is through their stomachs. And you seem to be equally, if not more, understanding."

Naruto let out a breath slowly. "Well, to tell the truth, I feel pretty much the same way about you, and I know a good, slightly less shocking way to express it."

Dark eyebrows raised in question as the blonde leaned forward, closing the gap between them. "I love you, Uchiha Itachi."

The man's eyes widened in understanding. "So _that's_ what you're supposed to say…I was wondering about that; Hidan never mentioned it and Mother and Father never did either. Well," he paused, "I love _you_ , Uzumaki Naruto, and would be delighted to live with you."

The number one unpredicatable ninja in Konoha pulled back indignantly. "I didn't say that!"

Itachi smiled – a real one this time, Naruto noted happily – and leaned back on his hands. "No, you didn't, but it's inferred."

The blonde realized that Sasuke probably would never let him live in the Uchiha compound, so Itachi's words were well founded. "God dammit, you're right. I hate it when you're right."

"It's all part of knowing everything, Naru-chan."

The younger captain glared at the other and then began laughing happily. "If you know everything, than what's the easiest way to get out of this place, loverboy?"

Itachi's eyes gained a devious glint as he tapped his chin with one finger. "Well, there's this one chuunin…"

Naruto grinned.

\---

\--


	10. Heart-to-Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brats?! I'll have you know that they are forward young individuals set on furthering their educations!

It had been a most productive week. After their emotional encounter and subsequent decision to escape the moldy cell they'd been locked into, Naruto had quietly bashed open the rusted door with a well-placed thrust and the two nin had made their way to the very lowest level of the old building. The chuunin was exactly where the officer had claimed he'd be, and was quite happy to cause a little chaos. He had made their escape much easier than they had predicted and so they'd gotten an early start towards Konoha after taking the time to change their disguises once again. Now traders on the road with some seals they were keen on selling, they had lagged along the dirt path that the civilians liked to call a road and waited until all passerby were gone and they were sure nobody was watching them. Taking to the trees, they formulated at least twenty different misleading signs and different traps their bunshin could make to fool the Akatsuki and any bounty hunters who might've picked up their trail. Just because they weren't on the hunt right now didn't mean they had lost their prey. For all Itachi knew, Deidara had placed a clay tracker on him or had an inside source that enabled him to know where the two were at all times. The more secretive they were, the better.

The two captains had spent four days confusing themselves and everyone else in that manner with another three days actually dedicated to making their way toward their home village. Now, they were seated in a clearing just outside the outer perimeter of the Nara forest, attempting not to provoke the deer in any way and planning for their grand entrance.

That's what Naruto was attempting to do, at least. Itachi was quite dissatisfied with the idea of, quote-on-quote, 'creating a blazing ring of fire in the center marketplace and then shunshining into the center with your awesome crows and then saying something really impressive and self-sacrificing that would get all the townspeople to love you-'. Needless to say, the blond was feeling very exuberant and high on life, happy that he could finally repair the broken man that he had grown closer to. Itachi just wanted to go up to the Godaime and report mission complete and let her explain everything so he could greet Sasuke.

"You know, Itachi, you deserve a little more than that, being a nin who's been on assignment - an S-class one, too - for over a decade and all. Don't you want a little something more for your welcome home? You need to make the right impression if you want to be able to work with our nin again without them being too scared or even mistrusting you." Naruto leaned forward and put his elbow on his knee, hand cupping his chin as he glanced through the fire to Itachi.

The raven slid off his log and crossed his legs, staring deeper into the flames as if they would provide him an easier way of revealing his wants and needs. Even a flicker of moral support would be nice, but no, all it gave him was heat. "Honestly, Naruto? I'm sick and tired of fighting. I want peace. I hate conflict, and all I wish for is to have you and Sasuke and a happy, prosperous village. You, I have. Sasuke, I will get – he will understand, I hope, our predicament. But as for the last…Unfortunately, the village's prosperity depends on the ninja trade; Konoha exists solely because of and thrives on warfare. Yes, our civilian faction does support us, but we are similar to a middle-class husband-and-wife couple; the husband – us – supports the family with the main source of income, but the wife needs to work for part of the profit as well so they can provide in even better capacity for her family, Konoha. We need the ninjas to provide for the village; in a sense, the ninja _are_ the village. We are the core, the heart. But I have no desire to be part of that heart any longer." He paused, collecting his thoughts.

"When we enter the village, I will retain my status as ANBU captain, exactly as I have for all these years. I believe that the Hokage will award me with however long a vacation from missions as I need, and I will take it. But as soon as I have settled, made amends with my brother and the rest of the village is acclimated to my presence, I would…like to teach." He finished on a hopeful note, glancing back up to his companion.

It took Naruto a good ten seconds before it sunk in. "Teach?! You want to be an Iruka to those Academy brats?!"

The Uchiha snorted before nodding. "Yes. While I do not wish to emulate Iruka, I have found that I enjoy the presence of children and I seem not to have the problem controlling them that other teachers struggle with. I know it will take time before the parents can trust me, but I would very much like to help the youngest part of our village. Children are easily shaped, and hopefully I can bring them to understand both the best and the worst parts of ninja life, while at the same time weeding out the weaker children that would not survive their first C-class. I wish to prevent needless loss of life, and unfortunately the current genin exam at the Academy – the secondary version with the Jounin sensei – is not always good enough at doing that. Additionally…" He paused again and glanced down at the soft earth beneath his feet as if he was troubled by something.

"Itachi? Are you alright? You don't have to talk about it if it hurts you. I'll support you in whatever you choose to do, you know that."

Perking up slightly at his teammate's moral support, he sighed. "My deeper reason is very much related to my wish of peace, but…I do not want to see any child grow up as Sasuke did. I want to be there for them. I want to support them. I want to feel like a big brother again. Like they are proud of having me there for them. Children are humans at their best; no prejudices; no prejudgement; no societal boundaries. I need to see if I am really fit for being praised. Worth anything at all to the very people who matter most."

Naruto had an understanding look on his face, but his eyes were shining with worry. "Itachi…"

The raven held up a hand, cutting the jinchuuriki off and shaking his head resignedly. "Do not worry, Naruto. I am not overtly depressed. These are simply issues that have been lurking in my heart all this time, worries and heartache that were spawned the day I received the order from Sandaime-sama. I am not a vain person – I hope – but I do realize that I have gone to lengths no other would even consider going to and that these actions, though they have torn a family apart and destroyed two of its members from the inside, are morally praiseworthy. I know very well that my name will be part of legend – as it already is, but from a good perspective – in the future. I simply feel very conflicted, and as I said before, for me it is not the adults who matter but the children. I need to know that this torturous mission has not changed me irrevocably. Can you understand that much, for my sake?"

Naruto's eyes widened and he bent his head down, running a hand through his spiky locks. "That was a lot to take it, Itachi, but yes, I think I see your underlying point. Want. Need. Whatever it is, you know? I don't think it can really be defined, but as I said before, I'll support you in all of this. But you know what?"

Itachi nodded in thanks and lifted an eyebrow when the blonde made to continue.

"I really think you are channeling Iruka with your want to support and protect those kids, 'Tachi."

The aforementioned man shook his head with a smile and made to go to sleep.

Naruto grinned softly. _Smile Count: Four._

\---

\--


	11. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blonde, purple, and busty - that's how I'D like to be remembered.

The clock had just struck midnight, and Naruto's nerves were about to snap.

He usually had fun sneaking into the Hokage's office daily, surprising her at the oddest times and generally having fun at her expense.  
But if they got caught now, it would be at Itachi's expense, and he couldn't have that. The blonde made a silent promise to himself to never piss off his leader again. She didn't deserve it.

Sidling up to the windowframe, he gestured to the cloaked raven next to him to open the window.

"I don't have a pick, Naruto, and I don't think she'd take kindly to my breaking it."

The jinchuuriki shook his head quietly and replied in a whisper to match the other's quiet tones. "Nah, she never locks it. Helpful in emergencies, but she never listens when we tell her that someone will sneak in this way. Maybe this'll force her to see what we mean."

Itachi made a noise of disapproval and slid open the window carefully, soundlessly sliding through and dropping down to press himself against the wall, shadows concealing his presence. Naruto slipped through after him and closed the window, surveying the room for life. He paused on the drooling form of his teammate's mentor and rolled his eyes, satisfied that there was no one but themselves and her in the room. "We're clear."

Walking the few feet to the enormous wooden desk, he bent down and tapped Tsunade on the shoulder. "Granny. Wake up, please?"

The woman let out a grunt and blinked drowsily, lifting her head up and giving a jaw-busting yawn. "What is it now, brat?"

The blonde stepped aside to reveal a cloaked figure standing at attention. With a nod, a hand came up to push the hood down, revealing a pair of blood-red eyes shimmering in the moonlight.

The Hokage started in surprise, standing up suddenly in shock and making her chair fall over. "Uchiha?"

The raven nodded politely, sighing. "I have been recalled on your orders."

"Oh, ah, yes. Thank you Naruto. I didn't expect you two to get out of there so quickly, but here you are. Well." She bent down to pull up her chair, a flustered expression on her face. Shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts, she started again. "Sorry, I must still be asleep. I really must say that I didn't expect you to come in at this hour. But either way, welcome back. I assume you'd like to be taken off the active nin list for a while?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind removing me from the active shinobi list permanently, Hokage-sama. I do not wish to participate in this kind of life anymore. I never did in the first place. I hope that doesn't cause too much trouble?"

Tsunade stilled for a minute and then ran a hand through her hair resignedly, sighing. "To tell the truth, I thought this might be the case. I had hopes you'd continue, but what with all you've gone through already, I suppose I can't really argue. Yes, I'll remove you from the list. Is there anything you'd like to do to support us even though you won't fight anymore?"

The Uchiha stared at her for a minute and then made up his mind to tell her so soon. "I wish to become an Academy teacher."

The woman blinked. "And I suppose you also want to become Hokage and take up residence with Naruto?" she said dryly, clearly misinterpreting his statement as a joke.

Itachi lifted an eyebrow. "The latter, yes. I have no interest in becoming Hokage, though."

Naruto piped up at his granny's look of stunned disbelief. "I already agreed to it, obaa-chan. We're good together. And he really does want to help the kids. Trust me."

The busty blonde sighed and sat back down in a disgruntled huff. "That's great for you, me, and him, but what about the parents? They won't agree to this in a hurry. And there's no good way for me to break the news to them that they'll accept – that he actually did it on orders and all. Even if some do, there's always going to be the conspiracy theorists that think I have some secret plan to use him to take over the children of the village or something."

"Actually…" Naruto paused, a devious smirk on his face. "I think I know just the thing."

Tsunade stared blankly. "Care to share, my little genius brat?"

Taking a deep breath, the jinchuuriki began laying out his plan. For something so important, it was surprisingly simple. "So here's the thing. You know Ino, right?" She gave him a glare and he quickly went on. "What is the first thing you think of when someone mention her?"

"Yamanaka."

"No, no, the _second_ first thing."

She stared at her teammate's protégé flatly. "Blonde? Purple? Busty? Medic? Gossip?-"

"Yes, exactly!" Naruto grinned. "She's practically the core of the village gossip vine. She knows everything and anyone, and everyone knows her. She and Sakura are pros at both spreading and defeating rumors, having been involved in so many themselves."

His leader sighed, leaning back in the chair. "…And this matters why?"

"First we tell Sasuke that Itachi's back and let them have their awesomely brothermanceful reunion. Second, we let Sakura see them together – with Itachi explaining what happened – at a critical moment, so she knows the truth about him. She'll take it to Ino, and Ino will make sure ninety percent of the village knows it by nightfall. The other ten percent will hear from the people that Ino told earlier. Villagers will always believe things their friends tell them, and it'll be such a mind-blowing revelation that everybody will be talking about it, even the ninja. It's perfect; people always believe Sakura and Ino because they never pass on new stuff without verifying it first."

Itachi nodded in agreement. "Your plan is sound."

Tsunade smiled and shook her head. "I should've known you'd think of a crazy scheme like that, Naruto. I have no doubts that it will work."

"Good. We'll get it started then."

The woman nodded and shooed them out the window, satisfied that she'd done all she could for now. They'd manage.

\---

Getting into Sasuke's apartment was easier that they had thought it would be.

Then again, it was two ANBU captains doing the sneaking around, not normal ninja.

Naruto crept over to Sasuke's prone form and knelt down. Itachi had hidden outside the door until Naruto gave the signal that it was safe to enter. Brushing aside the raven's bangs, he put a hand over the pale lips and nudged his teammate softly. "Oi. Teme."

The younger brother was much faster to wake then their older Hokage and wasn't that happy about being woken up at one AM by an obnoxious dobe. Pulling the other's hand off his mouth, he grumbled a greeting. "What the fuck are you doing here, idiot?"

The blonde grinned sexily. "Molesting you in your sleep."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and whacked Naruto over the head. "Be glad Neji's out tonight. He would've woken up screaming bloody murder for that. Why are you really here?"

The jinchuuriki staggered back as if wounded. "Oh, bastard, you aren't happy that I came to tell you I was back from my mission?"

Seeing the dark eyes bore into him annoyedly, he decided to go with a better answer. "Do you remember when I told you that you had a secret admirer?"

The eyes widened, then narrowed. "Yes, you idiot. You had me jumping at shadows for a week. Are you finally going to tell me who it is?"

Naruto nodded. "It's Itachi."

Sasuke leapt up in fury, ready to punch the living daylights out of his friend for making such a sick joke at his family's expense when he felt the blonde's hands push down on his shoulders, holding him still.

"Your brother is innocent."

Silence reigned.

\---

\--


	12. Overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I heard it through the grapevine. Didn't you?

"Say _what_?!? How dare you!" The fury that was previously tangible had only been roused further by Naruto's hasty statement, and Sasuke was spitting mad. "I trust you as a friend, a brother, and you do this to me?!"

Naruto backed up until his spine hit the wall and held his hands out in front of him as a gesture of peace. "Sasuke, please, I would never betray your trust like that. _I_ know that your family is a taboo topic, and _you_ know that I would never do this…unless there is a very good reason."

Sasuke loomed over his friend, chakra crackling in rage. His voice dangerously low, he inched closer and grabbed the blonde's collar. " _Well…?"_

"Calm down and listen to me. I have no other feasible way of breaking this to you, understand? You react this way in any option I can possibly think of…but Itachi does not deserve your hate."

The Uchiha drew back coldly to the bed and sat down swiftly, exuding the most dangerous aura Naruto had ever felt from a friend. "And why is that, _dobe?_ Are you going to tell me that he was framed and Kakashi or some other equally insane prospect was really the one to _slaughter my family in front of me?!?"_

Naruto shrank back again and slid down the wall to a sitting position with his head in his hands before gathering his emotion and lashing out in return. "Teme, do you have any _idea_ how hard this is for me? Telling my very closest friend that the person he's been dogging all his life – the _brother_ that had allegedly murdered his entire clan – was in fact ordered to do it? And that every one of his actions was dedicated to the protection and survival of his closest relation?!?"

Sasuke sucked a breath in and then calmed suddenly in realization. Turning away from his friend, he walked to the other side of the room and opened the door. "It's okay, Naruto. You don't have to lie to me in order to get me to stay here. I appreciate the effort, but it's not-" He stiffened, hand on the doorknob, and backpedaled, placing himself in front of the blonde. Facing his now-visible brother, he gritted his teeth and ground out, "What the _fuck_ are you doing here, asshole? I'll kill you! If you're after Naruto again…"

The jinchuuriki's eyes widened anxiously. _Not good._

An expression of surprise flitted across Itachi's features for a brief moment before being wiped out by neutrality. Stepping inside the room, he took off his cloak and weapons pouch and laid them on the bed between them.

"There. Does that make you feel safer, little brother? I am weaponless."

Sasuke glared. "But not defenseless."

The older nodded solemnly, looking down. "Never defenseless. If I was defenseless, I could not protect those whom I care about. I could not protect my precious people." Looking up at his brother, his jet black eyes took on a careful, flickering light. "Please, otouto, you do not realize how hard these years have been for me. What Naruto has been attempting to let you know is that I am not, in all actuality, a homicidal maniac. The obliteration of the Uchiha was my mission as both a loyal ANBU captain and the heir to the clan."

The other's only response was to strengthen his condemning stare.

Naruto sighed and walked out from behind his friend to sit comfortably down on the blue covers of the bed. "You have to understand, Sasuke, that Madara's ideals had twisted your clan to the point where they were about to rebel – and if your brother had not interfered, as it were, the consequences would have destroyed Konoha from the inside. None of us would be here. And it wasn't like he actually _wanted_ to massacre your family. See, Sasuke, what Itachi wishes for above all else is peace. He's a pacifist, teme, and if you spent any amount of time with him you'd realize that."

The younger raven had the most scandalized, hurt expression on his face that Naruto wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. But when it morphed into anger, he knew that something would have to be done. They simply weren't getting through to him like this. Looking up at his partner, they made eye contact and a silent message was conveyed: Itachi would take care of this. It wouldn't mean anything if he wasn't the one to do it.  
Nodding, the blonde nin stood up and shunshined outside before Sasuke could stop him. Reappearing on the crowded square a little distance away, he grinned and headed off to his favorite ramen stand. Teuchi-jii's happiness had the most wonderful quality of being totally and completely contagious, and he desperately needed to feel happy right now. Deciding to take a roundabout route and passing by stall after stall for an hour, he grinned at seeing Anko at the an-dango stand and pestered a cheerful Iruka giving a history lecture to the students outside. Coming up on the Ichiraku Ramen sign, he waved at the smiling owner and bent down under the cloth drapes to sit down at his favorite seat right smack in front of the ramen pot.

"Ah, Naruto! How great to see you. Been training? Want your usual?" The cheery shopkeeper grinned at the boy and motioned behind him to his daughter to bring ingredients.

The jinchuuriki smiled. "It's awesome to see you, too, Teuchi-san; it's been too long since I had your delicious ramen. No and yes!"

Teuchi turned to receive the ingredients and dumped them into the pot. "Why, it's only been a day or two since you last came over here. Coming right up!"

Their two-sided conversations had begun years ago and always befuddled passerby or other customers; Ayame herself could hardly keep track of their responses sometimes when it got busy – Naruto would be rattling on and on about his new technique and then out of the blue he'd answer one of her father's earlier questions that she didn't even remember by that point.

Straining the noodles into a large bowl and selecting a few choice add-ons, Teuchi began again. "Say, have you heard the news? Seems that Uchiha Itachi's story has a twist."

Naruto perked up. Tsunade-baa had manipulated Sakura to listen in, then, and this must be the result of Sakura's and Ino's predicted behavior. But so fast? This must have been a new record. "No, not yet. What is it about?"

Plopping the steaming noodles down in front of his number one customer, the shopkeeper paused. "You do know who Itachi is, right, Naruto? You're not too young?"

The blond was about to answer when Ayame's annoyed voice interrupted them. "Of course he knows, Father! Every child is taught about it; the Uchiha Massacre and all the theories as to why it happened are in the Konoha's History textbook that the teachers make us read. They go up to about five years ago, so Itachi's in there. And even if he doesn't remember his lessons, he's best friends with that antisocial Sasuke! There's no way he wouldn't know, so stop asking stupid things."

Teuchi grinned sheepishly and righted his white cap. "Sorry, kid. I forget these things. So anyway, apparently Itachi was ordered by the higher-ups to do what he did in order to prevent a _rebellion!_ A rebellion by the Uchiha, can you imagine? It would have been terrible. I'm feeling pretty grateful to that guy right now, myself. I'm just hoping it's true. Did you know he used to come by my stand with his little brother on the weekends? He was the nicest young man, I tell you. Always smiled at Sasuke-chan and helped where he could. And I don't think it's only me hopin' that this all is true. He was respected around the village for everything he did, and it really shattered some people that just refused to believe such outlandish things. Of course, if it wasn't him, than who else would it be? But now…If it's really true, I'd be happy to see him back in the village, eating my ramen again. He'll always be welcome at my stand!" the jovial owner finished up. "Now, kid, you finish that right up and I'll give you another on the house."

Naruto nodded slowly, disbelieving. This was working out far better than he ever could've hoped, and it was looking good if Teuchi thought that well of the ANBU captain. Many villagers trusted the chef explicitly with all manner of secrets and gossip, and for him to say all that meant that a good chunk of the village would be converted by nightfall, just as he had predicted earlier.

Well, wow.

Things were finally looking up.

\---

\--


	13. Delay the Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasu-hime, princess of angst and bad hair.

Slurping up the last of his noodles, Naruto turned at the sound of a voice calling his name. Surveying the busy street behind him, he spied an unusually dusty Sasuke dragging his feet sullenly toward the ramen stand. Swallowing loudly, he raised a hand and waved at his friend. "Hey, bastard. Having fun?"

In a flash, the Uchiha was seated on the stool next to him and grabbing his collar angrily for the second time that day. " _You_ …are a dobe."

The blonde grinned cheerfully and tilted his head. "What else is new? And why the hell are you covered in plaster dust?"

The raven instantly deflated and turned to the counter wearily. "A miso ramen, please." Swiveling back to his friend, he went on. "I believe him, but that doesn't mean I like him. And I may or may not have accidentally demolished one or two rooms during our…discussion."

"What, you didn't make up?!" Naruto exclaimed. "How is that even possible? And I hope that you didn't destroy too many buildings. Tsunade-baa won't be very happy."

Sasuke shook his head tiredly and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't think it's possible for us to go back to the relationship we had before. I'm sorry if that disappoints you, idiot, but the plain and simple truth is that even if he may have done all that for me and the village, he also put me through an impossible amount of pain and I can't just forget that. I don't think I'll ever love him again, and right now the only thing I feel for him is hate."

The jinchuuriki's expression drooped and he sighed. "You might rethink that once you see and hear what the villagers seem to think of him. You'll be in his shadow again, Sasuke; so far even Teuchi-san respects him for what he's done for everyone, and the villagers respect him for what he was before as well: a good brother, a good ANBU, and a good citizen."

His teammate only shook his head and accepted his ramen from the shopkeeper.

"So it's really true then, you two? The rumors?" Teuchi was watching them from the pot, genuinely interested in affirming the gossip and stories swimming around.

"Yeah, it's true. And he's here in the village, although he probably won't come out for a while. He really wants to get back into the swing of things, though, and he wants to help everyone even more than before!" Naruto smiled at the old man's victory hops. "Jii-san, any more of that and you'll get a heart attack."

"Oh, nonsense!" the happy civilian scolded him. "I'm only forty! And now I can confirm all the stories and questions. I can't wait to tell Takahashi-san. And Sakanoue-chan. And Yamada-san. And…"

The blonde turned to his black-haired friend hesitantly. "Do you see, Sasuke? Hope."

The raven nodded slowly in affirmation. "They're glad to see him back, I know. My brother was always admired and appreciated. That's not the problem. It's me, okay? I realize it. Just…let me figure this out on my own time. In my own way."

It was always hard for the Uchiha to admit emotional things, Naruto knew. So this once, he'd let Sasuke do everything on his own.

"Just remember that I'll always be here to support you. And by the way, your brother confessed to me the other day."

The Uchiha twitched once and then went back to eating his ramen. "You've surprised me with horrid things one too many times today, dobe. Annoy me again later. I'm sure what you just said will have sunken in by then."

Naruto laughed and shook his head, signaling Teuchi that he was done and the jolly man could stop giving him more bowls. "That's good. I was afraid you'd faint on me."

Sasuke looked at him indignantly. "You forget something. Uchiha do not faint. And no Uchiha would faint on _you._ I'm sure they'd find a more comfortable place to fall. Like the ground. Or maybe a nice, sharp rock so they wouldn't have to wake up to your face."

"Aww, you wanna wake up to my face, Sasu-hime? Here, I'll give you a big wet kiss. That's what they always do in the stories, right?"

His best friend jerked and scooted away as fast as he could from the puckered blonde, fending him off with his chopsticks. "Get away from me, you freak! I'd rather have my brother kiss me than you do it!"

Naruto paused and sat back with a sly grin and put his best sexy face on. "You know, I bet he'd rather get a kiss from me… A hot, passionate kiss that would make the world explode with new sensations. And you know what could come next?" As he spoke, the Hokage-in-training inched ever closer to his teammate. "I'd run my fingers through that glossy hair of his and slowly inch his pants off-"

Sasuke slammed a fist into the jinchuuriki's face without looking, causing the off-balance nin to topple over his stool and onto the floor. "I'm really not interested in listening to your sordid exploits, and if they have my brother in them I am even less interested. Go tell Sakura or Ino instead. Then you'll have the entire village to regale."

Naruto sat up and looked at him suspiciously. "It hasn't sunk in yet, has it."

Swallowing yet another noodle, the raven eyed the almost-empty bowl and went for a piece of vegetable. "No."

The blonde sighed and stood up, stretching. "Well, let's go if you're finished. It's almost nightfall and I'm tired. And I still have to meet with the Hokage. Aaaand we're taking your brother out tomorrow to reintroduce him to the villagers. Early. So I need my beauty sleep."

His friend shook his head and lifted up the bowl to swallow the last of his meal. "And you couldn't have told me this earlier why?"

"To protect my life and assorted body parts. If the fact that Itachi confessed to me hasn't sunken in yet, then this won't for a while either and I should be safe for tonight," he answered matter-of-factly.

Sasuke got up from his stool and followed Naruto out onto the street. "Not in the least, idiot. My apartment has been mostly destroyed by our…confrontation…earlier and I need somewhere to sleep. So when I wake up in the middle of the night in realization and go for your throat, you'll be right within distance. "

The blonde moved his body away from his friend carefully, determined to stay awake the entire night for fear of Sasuke following through with his prediction. Which he would, of course, because Uchiha predictions were always ninety-nine percent assured.

He groaned and prepared himself for yet another night without sleep.

\---

Naruto blinked and yawned, trying to think through the thick haze of sleep. _What was that noise?_

Another bump sounded from the other side of the house and the ANBU captain was instantly aware of the quick thumping of running feet. Sitting up in bed, he stiffened as his bedroom door flew open and slammed against the wall, revealing an enraged Sasuke flying at him and screaming.

" _Your ass is mine, dobe!"_

\---

\--


	14. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A la mode

The old oak door opened silently and Naruto stepped into the house, holding up an arm to shield his eyes from a lone ray of sunlight coming in through the bay window at the other end of the hall. Closing the door behind him and unstrapping his kunai pouch to hang on a hook next to the hall mirror, he kicked off his shoes and opened his mouth. A second later, he was pinned up against the wall with a foreign hand over his lips, blocking off all sound. Warm breath ghosted over his ear, sending a delicious shiver down his spine.

"I believe we agreed that there were better uses for that mouth than yelling, fox."

The blonde blinked lasciviously and then darted his tongue out to give Itachi's hand a leisurely lick, making the man pull back. "I was only going to say 'I'm home!'"

The raven chuckled. "No, you were going to shout the house down until I greeted you."

Naruto pouted. "What, you don't like my naturally boisterous nature? Nobody else complains."

Itachi smiled and led his lover into their kitchen. Decorated in pale blues and warm yellows, it was a calming place where he could think – and cook – in peace. "That's because they went deaf a long time ago from listening to you. Anyone would, really."

The jinchuuriki followed him over to the refrigerator and watched as the slender man pulled out a pre-prepared plate of onigiri and set it on the counter, only to be followed by two bowls of homemade ramen that only needed to be heated. "But not you." The blonde leaned in close, wrapping his arms around the other. Itachi only smiled and began humming softly, picking up the bowls and setting them on the stove to reheat. Checking the heat setting and covering the containers, he turned in the embrace and leaned up to give his fox a kiss. Naruto pressed in and deepened the contact, trying to taste as much of Itachi's mouth as he could. The Uchiha had been living with him for the past year and every day they'd get an overwhelming amount of each other, but to Naruto it was never enough.

The stove timer startled them out of their positions and they broke apart, flushed. Itachi went over to turn the heat off and brought the bowls to the table while his companion grabbed the plate of riceballs and two sets of chopsticks over. Pulling his chair out and plopping down at the light wooden table, Naruto watched as his black-haired love sat down smoothly and picked up his chopsticks to take the first bite of ramen. The blonde mimicked him and slurped up a good portion of the noodles happily before pausing and leaning his head on a hand. "How was school? Any of the brats give you trouble on their first day?"

The raven smiled and looked up. "No more so than usual, although Okina Natsumi – the dango-seller's daughter – seems to have an odd affinity for spitballs. It took her a few minutes to realize that I wouldn't condone such things in my class."

Naruto grinned. "A few minutes, now?"

A nod. "She was quite confused as to why her straws kept disappearing mysteriously until she noticed that they were appearing on my desk in little pieces. Scared her enough so that she'll be paying strict attention to my classes from now on, I should think. The techniques I refined last year during my classes are tried and true, in the end. And after ten years of missing-nin and the Akatsuki, children are unbelievably easy to deal with. It's not hard to maintain a strict, no-nonsense demeanor."

Naruto took another bite. "They still like you, though. Don't think that I didn't notice the little gifts outside the door the day school let out last summer!"

The Uchiha smiled nostalgically. "I am simply happy that I've been allowed to teach like this. I feel like Iruka-san; our efforts pay off after all the hard work. It's very gratifying to notice how the students progress over the year; they come in full of summer and fun and hyperactivity and they leave as serious but vigorous children that have matured. They're still quite full of life, though, especially Akito and his pranks. I swear, he'll never be stopped. He's inherited your title as the official academy prankster; I'm thinking of recommending him to ANBU Espionage when he's older. He certainly has the cunning for it, just like you."

The blonde slurped the last of his broth and laughed. "It's good to see that my talents have been passed on!"

Shaking his head with a smile and eyeing an onigiri, Itachi changed the subject. "Speaking of talents, how has your Hokage training been progressing?"

Naruto shook his head and snorted. "Impossibly well, actually. I was under the impression that it would be a hell similar to my ANBU training, but instead of that crazy bitch Anko overseeing Cavern obstacles, deadly traps, assassination training where I was the target and everything else she could think of, it's mostly just paperwork and a few new jutsu here and there to get me up to the one-thousand mark. Nothing that I can't handle. Heck, I could've done it years ago!"

Itachi grimaced. "You went through the Cavern? With _Anko_? I can see why you have so many bad memories. The Cavern is a hell on earth."

Naruto smirked. "Truer words were never spoken, 'Tachi."

The Cavern of Death was the ANBU version of the chuunin Forest of Death (and the genin Training Ground of Death, but that was only a fond name used by graduates), and it was the cause of many a nightmare within the ranks. Most training drills and tests simply skirted the outer edges of the network of caves, and some newbies weren't even aware of just how vast the actual complex was. There was actually a legend about the place; if you had the fortitude, strength, and ability, you could make your way to the very center of the whole thing. In the middle was rumored to be a potion that would give the drinker immortality. Or eternal youth. Or unlimited chakra; it all depended on who you heard it from. Of course, that was only if you could skirt the various deadly things and maze of trapsthat lay between it and the entrance without dying. Needless to say, nobody had ever managed it before, and nobody would ever _want_ to do it. That had been Itachi's first clue that Orochimaru was insane, actually; he'd heard the immortality version and immediately gone in, only to return a week later with zero progress made.

The raven licked the last of the rice off of his fingers. "A fearful place indeed. Be glad that making it through isn't a requirement in the Hokage test."

"Oh, I am, trust me. Getting to the center once was more than enough."

Itachi stilled. "What?"

Naruto went on, oblivious to his lover's disbelief. "Yeah, it was torturous. Kyuubi had to help me out so many times that I shudder to think about what I owe him and I really almost died at that river of acid on the way out, but hey! I'm alive, aren't I?"

The Uchiha stared at him blankly. Naruto had _clearly_ never heard of the scary legends surrounding the place or the taboo of getting to the middle or he'd be bragging it up all over the place. "Naruto, you're impossible."

The blonde answered with a fond smile. "I love you too, Itachi-koi."

Deciding not to worry himself over all the precedents the idiot had established that he had previously regarded as never-to-be-done and never-to-be-tried because even thinking about them was dangerous, Itachi got up and started taking the dishes over to the sink. "I have long since given up at attempting to understand you, but I suppose that only means that I accept you as you are."

Naruto watched him with a mix of curiosity and pride. "You understand pretty much everybody else though, right? It's a mark of your progress, you know. You've come a long way in just a year. Even Sasuke has forgiven you in some measure, and parents greet you just like any other teacher. You're respected, Itachi. People used to hear your name and think murderer, traitor, massacre, but now they hear 'Uchiha Itachi' and the sensible, practical Academy teacher comes to mind. One of the most loyal nin Konoha has. The one their kids go on and on about. You can be yourself now, and it really shows."

Itachi began to run the water to wash the dishes and grabbed a sponge. "I have noticed the change as well, and I am proud of it. But really, the same can be said about you, Naruto. You were the original prankster, the one everybody shunned, the village pariah, and now you're in line to become the seventh Hokage. The villagers look up to you, children ask for your autograph…Neither of us expected life to be this good, I think. I knew I had condemned myself, and you…"

"I had always wanted the attention, but I never stopped to visualize what things would be like when I finally received it." The blond continued contemplatively. "But now that doesn't matter; I have you."

Itachi snorted. "That is unbelievably…what's the word my students use…oh, right. That's downright cheesy, coming from you. But I admit that I know what you mean, because I feel the same. We've come so far since that meeting on the bridge a year and a half ago." Drying off the last plate, he hung the towel up on the dish rack and turned to Naruto. "And now that we've finished dinner and the dishes, I'm all yours."

An innocent look. "Oh, but I'm nowhere near finished with my dinner."

A smug smirk that had only recently learned its place on the raven's face. "Really, now. Would you like dessert? I think I might be able to scrounge up some of myself, a la mode."

A tongue swiping over slightly parted lips. "That would be…perfect."

Fingers creeping down to inch up a shirt, revealing just the slightest hint of creamy skin. "I know it's slightly against tradition, but how about I serve you your last course in bed? It is your birthday, after all."

Narrowing eyes, glazed with the promise of pleasure. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

A sensuous movement, and Itachi was leading Naruto to their bedroom. "So many times. But I've forgotten. Say it again for me, love."

"I love you. Now pull that damn shirt off before I go insane!"

The raven chuckled, and within three minutes every article of clothing the two had been wearing was laying on the floor next to a creaking bed.

_I love you._

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